For Better Conversations, Use Better Questions
If you really want to make a statement, be sure to ask the right question.
So, what's this post about?
We all want to get our point across. But doing so isn't always easy. We can rephrase to speak more clearly, or we can change the way we say it with emphasis, *effects*, and even VOLUME. However, if we talk to someone and barely inspire them to think, what have we accomplished?
That's where questions come in. There's no conversational tool quite as powerful. With each statement comes an initial, silent request that says, "Stop and listen." In comparison, a question asks a person to "consider and respond." It's like the difference between "focus on me" and "tell me more."
And while questions of all kinds can bring valuable information, they benefit both the asker and the asked when used correctly.
How? Read on and you’ll see.
Would you like to know basic question types and when and why you'd use them? I thought you'd never ask:
Fact Questions
Often starting with what or how many, fact questions ask for specifics (i.e., What web hosting provider do you use? What's the square root of 121?). Used well, they show interest and layout all the necessary details. But beware. Overuse fact questions, and you risk annoying the other person. Keep them relevant, and be willing to explain why you're asking.
Open-ended Questions
"How can you better use factual questions?" This, my friend, is an open-ended question. Fact questions are closed-ended because they usually can be answered quickly with a 'yes,' a 'no,' or a fact. Although necessary, they risk stopping a discussion with a quick, one-word answer. The next time you're watching a talk-show, listen to the questions the host uses. If they're all closed-ended, the interview will feel very surface-level and boring.
In contrast, open-ended questions propel the conversation forward by forcing the other person to think. Their answers are never one or two words (i.e., What was most important to you in choosing a hosting provider? Or, what role does Math play in a modern child's development?). When used wisely, open-ended questions not only deepen a conversation, they enrich the information gleaned. However, they do require trust and ease on the part of the interviewee. For example, "What are your favorite baby names?" might not be a good option on a first date.
Implication Questions
If you continue not to ask the right questions, what will happen to your conversations? Implication questions challenge the receiver to think about the future in an if-then format. In sales, they're used to challenge a customer to consider the future pain today's problem can cause if it remains unsolved (i.e., What would happen to your business if your hosting provider continues to have outages?)
And, of course, like any other question type, implication questions need to be used with care. They have the power both to bring someone clarity (if they were seeking a solution) or anger them if they don't feel a problem is legitimate. For example, "What will happen you don't get your power back on?" is much different than, "How do you plan to address your aging appearance?" Jokes aside, seeing the impact of an admitted problem can spark someone into solving it.
Need-Payoff Questions
If you could come away from reading this article knowing the power of questions, how would that make you feel? The need-payoff is the most salesy-sounding of questions. They sound great in sales training and books. In real conversations, however, I've always found them to feel fake.
At this point, I'm sure some sales guru will argue I'd like need-payoff questions more if I were better at using them. It's possible. Still, I've done more than ok without using them, thank you. Besides, the best conversations require authenticity.
Be Yourself - Only Better
Let's be honest, unless you're talking to a close friend, "How are you doing?' is a pleasantry, not a question. However, after the beginning niceties, ask questions with purpose, not because you have to. You want to inspire the other person, not exhaust them. Let your questions show that you care, not that you want to control the conversation.
So, is that enough insight on questions? What have I missed? If you could ask better questions, how might that help you in the future?
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